There’s no shopping quite like bra shopping

It’s shocking- and I feel very uncomfortable saying this- but I sort of prefer bra shopping over other types of shopping such as shoe shopping or pants shopping. It’s far easier to remove ones shirt and bra (yes, despite what boys think) than it is to remove ones shoes and pants.

Then, as you’re standing in the changing room…or, rather, bouncing up and down to test how effective your potential new bra is at keep things nice and cosy, you happen to overhear everyone elses conversations.

There’s always the teenage girl and her mom.

Mom: Does it fit?

Girl: No!

Mom: Too big or too small?

Girl: Too small!

Mom: Around the bottom or the cup?

Girl: The cup!

Mom: Really?!? A B-cup is too small? That would mean you’d have to wear a C-cup?!?

She said on a tone that was somewhere between a proud “my daughter is such a woman” and a disgusted “no daughter of mine will wear a C-cup!”

I’d like to point out that when I was 16, I could totally fill a D-cup. Now I’m happy when Bs aren’t too ginormous for me. I have a theory about that, but the comfort level of this post is already being stretched to its tearing point. I’m not going to push it any further.

Then there’s the adult woman and her aged mother.

Woman: Does it fit, Mom?

Mother: No!

Woman: What’s wrong with it?

Mother: My fat’s hanging out!

Woman: Are you sure? Your breasts are smaller than mine and I wear that size.

Mother: My fat’s hanging out! I can’t wear this. Come in and see for yourself!


I hope my mother and I never have that discussion.

So anyway, after I tried jumping around with every bra in the store, I was thrilled at my size of the day and decided on three. As I made my way to the checkout, I stopped by to maybe pick out some new underwear from the 5 for 25$ section. Some of it looked nice from a distance.

I paused for a moment, observing a middle aged woman with her preteen son. He was a good sport, I gotta give him that. I’ve never gone nice underwear shopping with my mother and I’m female. The thought just makes me queasy. I’m not sure what I think of bringing your almost pubescent son to an underwear shop. On one hand, it might desensitize him to underwear shopping and he’ll be a better shopping companion to his female friends later on in life. I love male friends who can voice an opinion about lingerie without having a panic attack. On the other hand, it might scar him for life and he’ll never be able to see lingerie without thinking of his mother.

I’m not bringing my son nice underwear shopping, so I’ll never know the outcome of that situation.

So after pondering the future of the poor, corrupted male child, I picked out 5 pieces. It’s funny how nice underwear looks from a distance, but when you get up close, it’s not so appealing.

Lace? Scratchy, will give me rash.

Flimsy, silky material? Yeast infection waiting to happen.

Words like “Kiss kiss” or “Rebel Chick” embroidered on the back? I’ll be mistaken for a 25 year old pretending to be 16.

Cute little bows? I don’t find that attractive, and if I don’t find that attractive, no being with testosterone is going to find that attractive.

Bottom line is, none of these are going to get me laid. (Granted, if someone’s seeing your underwear, you’re probably going to get laid regardless, but every unattached girl has that that horrific moment in Bridget Jones when Daniel freaks out about her granny panties playing in her head.)

And once that hell of a shopping spree was over, it was time to pick up white shirts for work.

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7 Responses to There’s no shopping quite like bra shopping

  1. brangwen says:

    Oh misplaced lace is the worst! I swear, you have to be rake thin to even carry it off. No good for those of us with a pair of hips to sink a ship on them. Boys simply don’t understand the pain they put us through when they demand pretty underwear! I have a preference for the TShirt bras, no lines, no lumps, no nipples (telling the world you are cold) and they are smooth, and comfortable and look sleek most of the time too!

    As for getting laid, your underwear has NOTHING to do with getting laid, like you say. Unless you are a superhero and wear your undies on the outside. If anything, you should be going hard with the passion stripping each others’ clothes off, who is even going to have TIME to look at your underwear and say “oh nonono I cant sleep with you, your bra and undies dont match. Sorry, I’m going home now” Anyone that petty can miss out on the awesome night they walked away from. Tough titties (well, no titties, actually)

    PFFT! Boys want sex. Give them a good time and they wont care what your under garments were.

    • Ophelie says:

      Lately I’ve been having trouble with boys not wanting sex. Or maybe it’s more trouble finding boys that are a combination of in my age range, not married and not utterly repulsive.

      But deep down inside, I think I kinda like to look nice for me, even if no one else sees it. I’m a bit vain that way.

  2. SmashNHeal says:

    Can’t believe you had the link to this buried in Bossy Pally comments, lol. I find your writing style very entertaining, so I decided to see how diverse and talented you were. No disappointment, thank you. Just curious if there was any desire to continue blogging here, or if I should just shuffle back to Bossy Pally and be content.

    BTW, brangwen is correct. Boys will come back for more regardless of the undergarments. Although, if you’re wearing your grandmother’s underwear or if in any way, shape, or form, said undergarment makes them think of a female relative that is older than them, said boy will suddenly have a case of the “I’m afraid this isn’t gonna work because I’m scarred for life and am too embarrassed to explain”.

    On the other hand, I can totally appreciate a woman who wants to feel attractive, even if a guy isn’t going to notice. I recall an old girlfriend who was very dodgy about spending a night with me despite her other signals, and found out much later that she was nervous about getting undressed because she hadn’t worn the “right” underwear on that date. It befuddled me for quite some time, but since then have come to understand that when a woman feels sexy, things are much better all around.

    • Ophelie says:

      Thanks for the kind comment!

      You’re right- us girls need to feel sexy regardless of other peoples opinions. It’s like how, on special occasions, I’ll spend hours doing my hair and makeup. No one can tell the difference, but it still does wonders for my confidence.

      I do plan on keeping this blog around, but Bossy Pally is my priority so this one gets neglected. I do hope to update it once in awhile though.

  3. Jen says:

    As my boyfriend so nicely puts it – “I don’t give a fuck what your underwear looks like, I just want it off!”. Which is good since I also hate “fancy” underwear, my idea of nice is cotton and a nice fit+pattern. Why anyone would willingly wear lacy silky things is beyond me, I find them extremely uncomfy.

    (Hello new blog, nice to meet you!)

    • Ophelie says:

      Hihi! Guess I should add some new content to this place, eh?

      I’m usually a lot less desperate about impressing when I’m in a relationship, but the last one was so long ago, that I can’t even imagine what its like to have a partner who really knows you beyond appearances.

      …that sounded kinda pathetic.

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