A few posts back, I casually mentioned that I had applied to an opportunity to further my education.
That application was for a hospital residency, to develop my acute care and academic skills. The odds of being selected weren’t very good. Last year, placement rate was slightly better than 1 in 4 applicants with rates decreasing every year, and generally people who apply for residency are extremely high achieving. (This is different from the US, where pharmacy hospital residency is more established and rates are a little better than 1 in 2.)
I spent 2 months on my application, reviewing and rewriting every detail. I made sure that whatever happened, I was putting forward my absolute best.
I applied to 7 programs. Received 4 rejections and 3 “we’re not even going to bother acknowledging you”s. Didn’t even make it to the matching round.
It’s fine. I knew the odds were against me. I was 10 years out of school. I was slightly better than mediocre as a student, I didn’t participate in research (no there weren’t many opportunities to, but even if there had been, let’s be real, I wouldn’t have taken them) and I think I was the only person in my class who didn’t win a single award. I did lead some noteworthy projects which I probably could have highlighted better, but still, that was over a decade ago.
Since then, what have I achieved?
I got board certified in geriatrics. Which probably stands out, but geriatrics is mostly a primary care specialty. Otherwise, I haven’t really volunteered (voluntourism in Thailand for 2 months and walking dogs at the local shelter probably don’t impress), haven’t initiated any large scope projects and haven’t published anything. Even my practice interests which mainly involve providing care to marginalized and rural populations, are more consistent with primary care practice. So it makes sense that a selection committee would be like “thanks but no thanks”. If they were to choose between me and a go-getter, it would make sense to pick the go-getter. Beyond that, a go-getter would probably get more out of a residency experience than someone perpetually on survival mode like me. It sounds like there are lots of side projects available which would have a go-getter all excited while I would be all “nah, I need to focus on the main quest”.
So I looked up other education prospects.
I could do a Masters!
I’ve always been very interested in international development and crisis intervention. What about a Masters of Public Health with specialization in Global Health? Working for the government or non profits to plan health projects would be exactly up my lane!
But then I looked up the numbers. Only two Canadian universities offer the program. Neither have clear numbers posted, but it seems like admission rates are around 1 in 7 applicants. 1 in 7! Who would have thought so many people would be interested in public health careers? Not to mention that the application process is even more intense than the hospital residency.
No other Masters programs caught my eye. Perhaps the competitiveness of public health made me realize this kind of higher education just isn’t for me.
There is still the option of upgrading my degree to a PharmD. I don’t think it would do much for me career-wise (the prestigious hospital jobs require an residency and all other hospital jobs just require experience) and it is expensive (although a residency would have a bigger pay cut than the price of a PharmD bridging program). But after being out of school for so long, I do think a few years of part time structured learning to update my knowledge would be satisfying on a personal and professional level. There is also the fact that while my chances of being accepted into a PharmD program are better than a residency, it’s still not a guarantee.
Also, embarrassed at my lack of go-gettingness, I started looking up volunteering opportunities around me that would be compatible with my two very small children. I considered the board of directors for our local non-profit indoor playground. I was too hesitant, though, and all the positions got snatched up before I could raise my hand. I looked into translating for Pharmacists Without Borders. I decided to wait until I’m back at work, though, so I don’t take on projects that are incompatible with my work schedule. Then I considered the board of directors for a local festival. Again, too hesitant and not sure how it would fit with my work schedule.
Then I wondered, is this mid life crisis? I’m getting pretty close to mid life. (*cries* Feels like quarter life was just a few days ago!) I realized that I haven’t accomplished anything cool career wise. I’ve literately worked more or less the same job since graduation. Personal-wise, I’m so excited about my family and I did manage to work out a 2 year backpacking trip, but I haven’t done much else. I feel like I should be doing…something… just not sure what or how.
Or maybe it’s just the idleness of mat leave. I keep busy, but knowing that it will end soon prevents any kind of long term planning.
I guess we’ll see in like a month when I’m back to the daily grind.
My Legs and the Giant Spoon 